The last week or so I have been stuck in a rut. I have been frustrated with myself, my kids, the snow, the house, the boards...etc. I haven't felt like playing pretend or doing laundry. It's not like I have been just laying around I have been doing what I'm suppose to do I just haven't been enjoying it.
Yesterday was a good day for me. I went to the post office. I know the post office is not normally a place of inspiration but the ladies there always make me leave with a smile. The minute I walk in I am greeted with "hey baby, how you doing?, how are you kids?" today I was asked where the babies were and why I didn't bring them for her to see. Then she said "I wish I hadn't wasted half my babies childhood making a living. I don't know why this woman had to work or if she had to work, but I know what she said made me leave feeling grateful for the time I get with my kids. The conversation actually went on for a few minutes and she told me how much she felt like she had missed and how fast it all went by and she told me to just enjoy them. (Isn't it funny how no matter the job there is a good way to do it and an even better way- well she is the best post lady ever!)
Then last night I sat down and read the Ensign. The new one came today and I read most of it. Everything was just reminding me of how important what I am doing is and how special it is and how lucky I am to have what I have.
Then I read someones blog last night. There was a post about how we always can look at things two ways. We can see laundry as torture or a blessing that we have clean clothes and a fairly easy way to get them clean. I read and read and read and I just kept having little wake up calls.
There really was nothing new. It was all stuff I know and stuff I try to implement but when I am having a day when I feel "ugh" about everything it's nice to be reminded. Today I started our with a different attitude. I still have laundry to do and a day full of playing with kids but already it's been fun. I am reminded of how beautiful and wonderful and innocent they are. I don't really get much time with them before they run off to school and grow up. This is my time with them and I don't want to waste it.
I think overall I am a good parent. I try very hard and when I start to feel like I am struggling I try to get back on track. I think it's a viscous cycle that a lot of us get in. we are really motivated and focused then slowly we drift back to bad habits and selfishness. I just hope my cycles are getting better. I know there will always be days when I think "I could have done better" but I hope the older I get and the harder I try that I will have more days that I think "If this is the day my kids remember it will be a good memory".
I am very thankful that I get to be a stay at home Mom. I am glad I am there to watch them grow. To learn from them. To teach them. To play with them. To sacrifice for them. I know that if I were not here with them I would regret it. I am not saying everyone should or can stay home with their kids but I can and I am thankful for it. I love them so much.