Saturday, January 30, 2010

Not just a's our HOME

This is our home in the summer in all it's adorable little house glory. Now if you drive by it you will see a big ugly yellow for sale sign stuck deep in the snow that covers our lawn. With each blow of the hammer that stuck the sign in I felt like it was a blow to me.

I know we must sell this home, I know we are outgrowing it, I know dental school is ending, I know life must roll on. I understand all that and I will accept all that and move on. But right now as I look out at the big sign in my yard... I want to scream "NO". I love this home. I love it for so many reasons (initially I just loved it because it got us instate tuition and was only 50,000 dollars). It's impossible to put down in words all the things that have taken place within it's walls. This is the same run down house we drove up to late in the night over 3 1/2 years ago. The house we walked into, sighed, and got busy working on. The place we unloaded our Uhaul and thought we will never fill this place up, that is now overflowing with people and things. The place we thought was so dirty we didn't want our only child (yep, just one when we came) to walk around on until we washed it all, painted and refinished it.

This is the house that we woke up to snow in October and were shocked. Then we walked down and found water in our basement. We put our baby in his crib and bucketed in freezing water for hours until we realized we had a drain in the floor. The water was gone in minutes and we sighed again out of sheer relief. We bundled up our baby and stayed without power for several days. We wondered what we had gotten ourselves into then.

During that first year we worked so hard and even though the house was still little it slowly transformed into our home. It was fun decorating, tearing out the bar, finishing floors, painting etc. all while Garret watched from his high chair and walker.

Garret learned to talk in the walls of this house. He learned to walk on the wood floors. He bumped his head on these walls. He grew from a baby to a little boy in this house. He has celebrated every birthday he has ever had in this home. He built his first fort in this backyard, vacuumed this floor, stood by me and did dishes with me at this sink, danced with me in the living room, did somersaults on the floor, hammered with Dad, built the birdhouse in the backyard with Grandpa, potty trained in this toilet- the list goes on and on. This is the place that it has all happened. I love my little Garret and when I look around this house the whole thing shines with memories of my boy.

We found out we were pregnant with Spencer shortly after we moved here. His whole life is here. We brought him home to this house. He slept in my room in the beginning. He was a noisy awful sleeper and I spent many nights with him in my arms (in this house). We paced the hall together. Me with my little boy in my arms. Spencer ran around this house in the walker. He loved it. The floor was thoroughly abused by his little feet and those four little wheels. He was always smiles when he was in there. It didn't take long before those two (Garret and Spencer) were wrestling on the floor together, on the couch together and everywhere else. Spencer loved the dirt in the garden and would play in it all day if I would let him. The basement was a play room by the time Spencer was born and he loves to play down there. He loves to play everywhere. He can turn the house into anything he wants. This house is the backdrop of his imaginary adventures. Spencer is a joy and this house is full of it. It's full of his silly laughter, his stubborn tantrums, his bright smiles and his babyhood.

The four of us have had years of adventures here. Trips to other places were always fun but we always loved coming home to our home. We loved our family nights, movie nights, cleaning days, and game nights. Our camp outs in the backyard and living room. And all the other crazy, rowdy times we have shared.

Then 2009 brought another sweet baby to this home. Our girl, or little miss Adele. This is where we brought her home. This is the place four became five. The place I got my girl and now I am not completely outnumbered. Adele will not even remember this first home. She won't remember the months of three in a bedroom or the stuffed full closet (three in a closet is a lot) or the first moment we brought her home and the minute we walked in the living room how she was smothered by her brothers. She won't remember but I hope we always remember those first special moments with our third baby.

Not only do we have a million special moments with our children in this home- Tyler and I have memories here that have shaped our relationship. We have celebrated anniversaries in this home, danced in the kitchen, cried on each others shoulder, celebrated the joy of children, endured the struggles of dental school, held each other on the couch, worked together side by side to make our house all that it is, been each others everything, missed our families together, debated and compromised on a million things. I am happy to say that the things that took place in this home over the last few years have made us stronger, happier and closer together. The things that have taken place in this home have prepared us for the next step of our lives.

It's like a good book, you want to get to the end to know what happens but at the same time you don't want it to be over. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" (A quote that pops in my head as I try to deal with all this change that we are about to face), hopefully I can have this be my motto over the next couple of months but I might shed a few tears here and there.

Who ever owns this home next will not know that my babies feet ran across this floor. That their little heads layed down each night in the room with the green wall. That a family came here from across the country, scared and alone and left with so much more than they came with.

Oh little house, we love you. I hope you sell and I do hope that it is to a wonderful family that will love you and take care of you. We sure do love you!

Today was a bitter sweet day that just cemented the fact that life is going to change. There are so many other wonderful things I am going to miss from this place (but those will be written about on another sentimental day). Today my thoughts are with our little house and what a wonderful place it is!


Debbie said...

First, I just want to say, that I love that picture of your kids. And, how happy I was reading your memories of your home, and thinking of some of the times that I shared with you there. It is a wonderful little home, and I know that you have loved it. I hope you find another wonderful place to start your next batch of memories.

Love, Mom

P.S. That quote was from Dr. Suess, and you were supposed to use it at my funeral. Remember.

steph said...

that totally choked me up. i feel exactly the same way. i keep thinking how hard it will be to drive away from our house for the last time. brings tears to my eyes everytime!

Boss said...

What a beautiful post! This home will always be special to you, but I'm sure you'll love your next home just as much. You're taking all the most important things (er, people) with you!

Marianne Thayne said...

What a beautiful writing Rachel.Once again, you brought tears to my eyes and made me think about the houses I have lived in and moved from. You have the gift of making life positive in any situation (at least it seems that way from your writings). Your little family will love wherever you are because you are there! Good luck with your future events.

Kristy E.B. said...

What a sweet post. It's always hard to go from a place you love and have so many memories in.